Friday, November 10, 2006
don't you just hate the feeling where you feel yourself slowly, yet steadily drowning in your misery. nothing has happened actually, no big news or deaths or whatever, but you just feel yourself fading away at an unknown cause. well lately, i've had had big jumbles of emotions, where i can't really depict which is the dominant emotion causing me to wellow in my state of self pity, but it's not only affecting me, but those around me.
it's like, just this gust of pressure upon yourself, i don't know the cause, but it comes in a whole jumbled up puzzle of emotions. im sorry about today joel, when you asked me if i was jelous or emo or anything, i didn't really know what to say, because there is no one dominant emotion of anger or sadness of any sort. i guess it all adds up to the insecurity of everything. well, life itself.
okay yup i hate leaving myself alone because i'll start thinking about my life and every other opportunity which is yet to come, but i do have so many insecuries which surface especially when im one on one with myself thinking. i'll constantly find myself in a mess as i realise that i havn't even set a goal in life. i don't know what i'm going to do or where im going to go in the future because i don't ever wanna grow up. the thought of it scares me so bad and i don't know how everyone takes it. i don't know about anything right now and to be truthful i never ever knew what i was going to be or what i actually aspire to be.
okkk so yup, writing always get a huge load off my chest. i guess it has to be the weather partly, because it's been raining for gosh knows how many days straight, and everyone has been a little bit glum.
thank you nikki, for slapping the shit out of me today in class :D made me feel tons more in control on myself for some reason! bfffffffffff (:
and suddenly, i feel so stupid, after writing all of this. i need to get a grip on myself, gosh! i don't think i ever ever used to actually think so much.
ok Li, get a gripppppppppppp.
haha ok there i think i feel a bit better. writing always helps a little bit!
