Thursday, May 10, 2007
Love is a behavior, not a feeling.
It's the way somebody treats you everyday,
all day. Not just when their life is going well.
_
finally, freedom at last! well not technically since i have an art paper tomorrow but it's just like a rush of fresh air, cramped up work, overdue overcramping studying makes me have headaches and yucks! anyways, i wanna skip school on tuesday because i want to go for tennis with my mom and her friends and play against my mom's friend's daughter but i can't! stupid day! because we're getting our results back i think, oh well ):
anyways, bio paper today was terrible, i thought of giving up halfway but then again i knew my dad would kill me. you know, my dad has never ever been the 'results' person, he would let it slip when i don't do the best he thought that i could do but now a days, he seriously, lectures me okay, it's so degrading everytime he thinks that i can't do it and threatens to take me out of school when he's in a bad mood.
i don't know, i've been going through so much lately, life has kinda not been the same in many aspects but i guess thats ok because i have to stop living me my fantasy world and start to grow up. i learnt to be dependant on myself and im used to feeling lonely over again but thats ok, im not afraid of that anymore. one day, i hope to go to the movies alone (: anyways, that has been one of my goals, to forget thinking about what people thought of me and just spend a day with myself because i don't think i know myself that well anymore. but i'll figure it out soon enough, life is a journey and i think self confidence is maturity.
i feel so stupid now a days it just provokes me to take action, i feel like i've been so deprived all my life, like i have never ever realised that i need to study twice as hard as most people to remember notes for exams and facts but i guess thats something i must overcome myself and learn a better studying technique.
it feels like im left to figure stuff out now, like suddenly because the exams were kind of a wake up call. maybe one to my heart too, but till then i'll take things 1 at a time and the best is all i can give anyways. some time i fall short, but most of the time it fail and i get rejected again and again but i guess i need to pick up the pieces and stand up again.
but one day i know im gonna get sick of my life, this constant struggle to fulfill myself, all of it. the thrill the bravery and love of it all, but till then, im gonna see what life gets me into.
_
but most of all, live life and love :D
because everyone deserves to feel something undescribable one in a while.
